The Real World? Real Bore.

As the Brooklyn season comes to a close, I can't help but admit the cold, boring truth staring me in the face every Wednesday night at the 10 spot; this season sucked. Sure, we got an extra roommate (and sadly, it wasn't because they counted Katelyn twice); but the even number just created an even split between the roommates. And not in a good, fun, drama conflicty kind of way. The happy quartet of boring girls played cards all day while the equally boring quartet of boys played pranks. Oh right, the pranks! Even the pranks couldn't save this season. Any other season would have included the pranks on their "Real World You Never Saw" DVD as a fun extra. Not as the meat and potatoes of the show.

Let's talk about some highlights:

- Ryan singing songs with Chet going all googily eyed in the boat
- JD telling Devon that she was a terrible singer then making her have sing off against Tranny
- Scott giving Katelyn $1500 so she could stay to gamble and shop at Hot Topic.
-Chet's insanely awkward date with Scott's friend/Chet's insanely awkward audition at MTV/Chet's insanely awkward everything.
- Ryan finding out he was going to the army? Was that a highlight?

That's it.

I didn't see anyone throw up from drinking too much. None of the roommates hooked up. The hot-tub was utterly useless. No pregnancy scares. No phone calls to their signifcant others to warn them that they've been naughty. NO VACATION. This season was so bad that the producers didnt' even spend the money to send them on vacation. Remember those trips? Greece, India, Australia, Africa. But no, no. Real World Brooklyn went to Gettysburg and Atlantic City. And their party bus was an insult to Real World fans everywhere. All I could think about was how Denver Jenn and Colie would have rocked that bus. But instead, everyone lounged, watched scenic New Jersey pass them by.

I like these characters, I do. What's not to like about Ryan and Scott? But I think we all know the highlights of last night's episode were the Hills trailer (Audrina and Brody?!) and seeing that Ruthie is going to participate in the Duel II (intervention anyone).

Cheers to the finale.

Beau's Every Now and Again Wrap Up

And now WWJBD proudly presents an Every Now and Again News Report from Beau

Hola! Bonjour! Konnichi-Wa! Shalom! Guten Tag! Yia Sou! Sawa Dee-Krap! oh, and Yia Sou!

Huuuuuuuuge news for Kirsten Dunst this week, she spotted Beau and Belle at the 7:30 Duplicity in Trendy Tribeca! March Madness officially kicks into high gear with all four #1 teams advancing into sweet sixteen spots. Barack Obama making an appearance on that not funny Jay Leno show. When asked about his critics in Washington, Obama compared them to Simon Cowell of American Idol. Insert Simon Cowell joke here. In sad news actress Natasha Richardson was laid to rest Sunday after a freak fall on a beginners ski slope is Canada. Beau and Belle send their best wishes to Liam, Daniel and Jack.

Beau's Weekly Wrap Up

And now WWJBD proudly presents a Weekly News Report from Beau.

Hello to all my countless, countless fans. I wanted to share with you some of the top stories from this week Mar 1-7. Burrr it’s cold here. That’s because March roared in like a ferocious, bitch lion and dropped hundreds of feet of snow along the Eastern seaboard. NYC closed its public schools for the first time Monday since 2004! Holy Cow! - Princess Rihanna of Barbados reportedly together again with musician Chris Brown. Brown was charged with two felonies yesterday for beating up her highness last month. The unemployment rate reached 8.1% in February, it’s highest in 25 years. Now for some good news. Millions of people everywhere gear up for St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow and Beau will be celebrating at Belle’s party. So buy some green shit and come on down to have a beer.

Beau's Weekly Wrap Up

And now WWJBD proudly presents a Weekly News Report from Beau.

Hey millions of fans across the world, I wanted to share with you the top stories from this week Feb 22-28. I got two spider bites, one is on my thumb the other my neck. Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman tells Dr. Phil babies were a mistake. Suleman has been offered 1 million dollars to star in a porno video however rival porn company has offered a year supply of diapers not to show octopussy. Some bill was passed in Congress. Jason Wahler calls off his engagement to Katja Decker saying the couple is "too young and too sober". Sean Penn, Kate Winslet, Heath Ledger, and Penelope Cruz all take home Oscars.RIP HL <3 4EVER. And finally, the new trailer for Season 5 of The Hills is online at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPXC9oV224k

25 Things You Never Knew About Beau and Belle...

1. Beau's real name is Zachary
2. Belle's real names is Eileen
3. Beau's favorite season of the Real World is Seattle and his favorite character Irene
4. Belle's favorite season is Hawaii/ Las Vegas and her favorite character is Colin.
5. In 9th grade, Beau hosted a "Dress like your favorite Real World character" party. Belle dressed as Montana, Beau as Judd.
6. Beau has 9 toes (4 1/2 on each foot)
7. Belle had the second biggest head in the 7th grade.
8. In high school, Beau and Belle participated in the production and filming of "The Real World: Westfield." It premiered in December 1998 and made its reappearance at Beau's graduation party in May 2001.
9. Beau and Belle's favorite SingStar song is Run DMC's "It's Tricky."
10. Beau is a certified advanced open water scuba diver.
11. Belle has 2 fish named after Dame Judi Dench and Justine Simmons.
12. Beau currently has no pets. RIP Broadway.
13. When Belle was a freshman in college, she purchased two pieces of artwork that were created by Melissa of the Real World New Orleans. She found them on her website www.princessmelissa.com and then displayed them in her college dorm.
14. Beau has seven tattoos.
15. Belle played the clarinet in junior high and was a member of the Jazz Band.
16. Beau's favorite quote from Titanic is "you can be blasé about some things, Rose, but not about Titanic. It's over a hundred feet longer than the Mauritania and far more luxurious."
17. Beau and Belle's favorite day of the year is move-in day at the Real World house.
18. Beau is proud to be a classified 504 student, under the Americans with disabilities Act and spends his time educating others and singing about being 504.
19. Belle's favorite quote from Titanic is, "The water is freezing and there aren't enough boats!"
20. Beau is afraid of Alligators and Crocodiles
21. Beau and Belle were named best costume in 2008 by Ricky's float in the NYC Halloween parade. They were dressed as Double Dare. *
22. Beau is able to do an uncanny imitiation of Macy Gray's "I Try"
23. When Belle sucks helium, she sounds just like Lacey Chabert from Party of Five.
24. Beau and Belle outsource their photoshop needs for WWJBD to Dan Egan. Beau and Belle don't know how to photoshop.
25. Neither Beau nor Belle can remember the reason why they started their blog.

*This was the best day of their lives.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman: Bellisha and Beaubeau make their dreams come true

The following contains the detailed events of a recent Friday night and the quest to find Whitney Port. The bloggers would like you to know that copious amounts of Stella, Smithwicks, and distilled vodka were consumed during the creation of this entry.


1/23/09, 7:52 PM - Hoboken Path Station
Beau and Belle off to a shaky start - just missed the path but remain in high spirits.
Supplies:
Whit/Olivia twists
Notebook
Us weekly (earmarked to the page with Whit on the beach in Miami)
Cards
Vampire in a box
most importantly... DRIVE

8:01 PM - A Haiku
Eight oh one depart
Off to Whitney's apartment
I hope it's a blast.

8:06 - on path train
Train stops underground - dropping off mole people. More to come.


8:27 PM
SPOTTED: Beau and Belle in front of Whit's building! Beau freaked, false alarm but he chased people down the street. Starbucks on the corner, bet that's where she gets her morning cup of joe.


8:38 PM
Still no sign of Whitney and I'm pretty sure the couple I chased down the street was not them. why aren't there more people here doing the same thing? Reporting live from 3rd and 23rd.
PS Belle just saw Cam Anthony
Also, code word for when we see Whit is "Shake Shack."

8:46 PM
On pay phone on her corner. Calling Z100 to tell them what we're doing - drinking orange juice and vodka out of a water bottle. Belle is paranoid that people are onto us.



8:49 PM
No one is onto us. But there are a lot of Whitney look alikes in this neighborhood. Her presence is felt almost like a sixth sense. I'm drawn to her like Bella and Edward, or Jack and Rose, or Wall-e and Eva.

Where are you whit? Do you go to Rolf's German Restaurant for weinerschnitzel? Bull's Head tavern for a brewski? CVS for feminine products? Is Lyric Diner always your last stop on your way home from Tenjune? Why oh why did I have to see someone from high school and work while I stalk you?



9:00 PM
The cold is setting upon us like the freezing cold Lake Wissota. It feels like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. How cold? Freezing. Maybe a couple of degrees over.

9:38 PM
Beau and Belle at local watering hole, Bull's Head Tavern, hoping Whit will breeze in. Probably not because these bartenders think they are in Coyote Ugly but act like the mermaid in the hit movie Aquamarine.

A Haiku
UGLY BARTENDERS
YOU'RE NOT BRINGING SEXY BACK
BLOG ARE NOT FOR BARS.

Also, while bartenders slut it up and take shots, the poor coat check girl sits in the corner, dressed in black, reading a magazine - every inch of flesh covered. I bet Whit talks to her.

9:43 PM - A Poem, in four parts

Whit, we came to look for you,
On twenty third and third,
Your blatant absence makes us blue,
Our behavior has been absurd.

Whit, we came to look for you,
On this wintry day,
A subway ride, a short brisk walk,
There's so much left to say.

Whit, we came to look for you,
That's why we're across the street,
See you at Bull's Head Tavern,
Finally, the three of us will meet.

Whit we came to look for you,
We don't think that's a shocker,
We circle your block three, four times,
But promse that we're not your stalkers.

11:10 PM - King's Crossing
Beau and Belle meet friends and tell them their tales.
Spotted: CM making out with J. Jew at King's Crossing, lower east side

11:11 PM, guest blogger Jessica Bowers checks in
Here we are at an underground bar...surrounded by friends. These two bloggers next to me are obsessed with Whit. I am drinking vodka tonic and Belle is singing in my ear. But the big question is, where is Whit? And does she like being stalked?



12:06 AM
At fat Black Pussycat with our guest blogger Jessica "Boom Boom" Bowers. I wish Whitney woudl get here already and we could dance and play darts. Does anyone know if she's at Sundance? This is straight from my heart.

Free Association with Beau, Belle and Guest Blogger
Audrina - eyes, boobs, spacey
Teen Vogue - Lauren Conrad, Lisa Love, "boss's name that I don't know"
Laguna Beach - Kristin Cavallari, Stephen Colletti, black and white party

1/24/09 - 12:42 AM
Beau and Belle are in the 9th street path station.

A Haiku
Faces are flush
Drinks have been drunk
Slobs are going home



Where are you, Whitney?

Seasons of Booze

sung to RENT's SEASON OF LOVE

Five Thousand Twenty Nine Hundred Fourteen Cameras
Twenty One Fish Tanks and Three Hundred One Fish
Eleven Thousand Sixteen bright, shiny lightbulbs
How do you measure – measure a show?

In Ratings – In Night Clubs
In Hot Tubs – or late night fist fights
In cocktails – Confessionals
In Cities – In Strife

In Five Hundred Twenty One Thousand
Six Hundred Commercials
How do you Measure
Seven Strangers in a house?



How About Booze
How About Booze
How About Booze
Measure in Booze


Seasons of Booze
Seasons of Booze

Belle:
Six Hundred Twenty Eight Thousand people Audition
Twenty One Seasons and One Hundred Fifty Six Friends
Three Hundred Thousand Ninety Hours of filming
How do you measure, a show that never ends

Beau:
When Steven slapped Irene
Or Danny's mom died
When Paula said she ate
You know that she lied

It's Time Now - To Watch Out
For The Show Never Ends
Let's Celebrate
Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends