Thursday, October 16, 2008

Single White Female Seeks Loving Parents for Estranged Twenty-Somethings

Currently looking for loving parents to reunite their two doting children. Both children are in their twenties and are fighting over reasons even they can't remember.(1) The first, Spencer, is a caring older brother who just wants to be closer to his sister, but can't find the strength to take the first step. (2)Stephanie, his younger sister, lives in anguish over their disagreement. (3) They need their parents to help pick up the pieces and put them back together. Both Spencer and Stephanie are beloved American icons and are role models for today's youth.(4) If their parents are out there, please contact these two and make amends. We want nothing more than to see them happy and renewing our sense of family values. (5)

(1) Spencer is pissed because Stephanie is rolling with Lauren Conrad, his mortal enemy. "Don't you have any sense of family loyalty?"
(2) He really wants nothing to do with Stephanie and said he knew from when she was born that she was a bad egg.
(3) She's having a blast rolling around with LC's posse. Except for when Brody makes her cry. And when Doug makes her cry.
(4) Stephanie was arrested two years ago for shoplifting over $1,300 worth of merchandise in Hawaii. Spencer made his girlfriend's mom cry.
(5) Mr. and Mrs. Pratt, where the f*ck are you? Your kids are a mess and publicly hate each other. Your son is controlling and your daughter is manipulative. Get it together. Your parenting skills are far more embarrassing than Lauren Conrad's sex tape.


Beau is really sick about what took place last night. No. Not the presidential debate. A different kind of vote. One that actually matters to Joe sixpack. Last night, Dunbar voted off his fellow Aussie cast member in order to maintain in the alliance on Real World/Road Rules The Island. It was a vote that shocked America. How could such a sweet Southern boy with sociopathic tendencies send home his good friend Calhutta??? It was just really obnoxious. So Dunbar, you are dead to me and Calhutta, I will miss you buddy and yes, I will keep my back to the wind. Always and Forever.