Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Real Players of the World Cup

Beau and Belle had a great revelation this weekend when watching the World Cup -  before each game, the players are announced one by one on screen. They each have a dramatic unveiling with a variety of poses - hands on hip, hands crossed over the chest, skinny arm, the list goes on.

It made them feel right at home watching the big game because it was oddly familiar to the Housewives intros. So, they decided to engage in their favorite pasttime, create your housewife tagline. This time though, they pretended to be playing in the World Cup.

(For a goalie): "Ain't no balls allowed in mah house!"

(For a notorious and inappropriate touchy-feely player): "The only chest passes you'll be getting from me will be on the field!"

"For the next 90 minutes, I'll be kicking more than just butts."

(For a cheeky, slutty player): "At home I spend most of my time on my back, but immabout to spend two halves on my feet."

(For the serious player): "I'm the Daniel Day Lewis of soccer - fully committed and gunning for the gold."

(For the idiot on the team): "Roses are red, but my cleats are pink. I'll score a goal faster than you can blink,"

(For the boring player): "I put the GO in GOOOOAALLLLLLL!"

(For the Italian): "I'm serving up this win al dente!"

(For the Israeli): "The only penalty kick I give... is to the tuchus!"

(For Kristen Taekman): "I may not be the best player... but I'm pretty"

(For the transgendered): "you can take the girl out of the game, but you can't take the game out of the girl"

(For the All Star): "I play soccer like I live life... fast, furious, and always winning"

(For the social media stud): I'm going to #win this #game! #winning #sorrynotsorry #100daysofsoccer

(For the North Korean): Help!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

I Will Survive (Brood 2): The Cicada Song

- sung to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"

First I was afraid,
I was terrified
Kept thinking I could never live out in the countryside
But then I spent so many nights listening to that buzzing sound
It grew loud
They came from underground
And now you're back
From outer space
It's been seventeen years since a cicada flew up in my face
I should have sold my stupid house
I should've moved to West Palm Beach
If I'd known for just one second you'd be molting on my tree
Go on now go
Lay eggs and die
Not so into entomology
Id rather curl up and cry
Cicadas aren't bugs that wanna sting me or bite
You think Id crumble
Run screaming off in fright
Oh no not I
I will survive
I have two spray cans of Raid
So you know I'll stay alive
I have all my windows screened
And a recipe for larvae cream
I'll survive
I will survive
bzz bzz

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Beau's Poetry Corner

If you don't know who
Angie Miller is then I
Feel sorry for you.

Brandi Glanville stop-
Stop hurting Adrienne
Sincerely, No One

I have not read a book
Since getting an iPhone 4
I dream in Tetris

Bow down, bitches

Beau and Belle are back! Here's the dill, after a long, soul-searching 26 month sabbatical Beau and Belle have taken time to grow, reflect and mostly ... find some new tv shows. Which brings me to my new twitter handle "Ryan, your heart is going to explode' #pleasesitdown. Follow me following The Following. Each week I will tweet an Edgar Allan Poe quote which will help unlock the key to decipher where I'm keeping a kidnapped girl. Guys, I follow The Following and I want YOU to follow me following The Following.

Friday, September 23, 2011


In 2009 one girl set out to challenge us all...

changing the way we think about running...

In 2010 one boy copied her for a grueling 26.2 miles...

Now it is 2011 and on November 6th there is only one ultrarunner left...

The countdown is on...

Make your own Countdown Clocks

Who will be next????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Friday, September 2, 2011

NEW MUSIC from Beau and Belle


Hey Asians,

Check out the lyrics for our first single off our new album "We survive disasters 2".

It's a mash-up of Cee Lo's 'F**k You' and Dexy's Midnight Runners 'Come on Eileen'

I see you drivin' for high ground
In that FEMA truck and I'm like,
Fuck You!
Oo oo ooo
I guess the power shorting out
Wasn't enough I'm like,
Fuck You!
Fuck Irene too!
I said if I was higher, I'd be so much drier
Ha, ain't that some shit?
And now the rivers gonna crest
I got black mold in my chest
Fuck You!
Oo oo ooo


Fuck You Irene, You made such a scene
From the moment, I felt your outttter bands.
You caused such distress and my basement's a mess
It's so dirty, fuck you Irene

Thought I survived ya, but now there's Katia
People please no need to run in fear
I need a wet vac and not a swiffer
I'd settle for a Red Close Volunteer.

Toora, loora, toora, loora, aye
Irene, I'll hum this tune foreverrrr

Thursday, August 4, 2011

New Site Coming Soon

Beau and Belle will never forget 4.6.11 The day our fans were swept away - not the day the music died. Just the day their comments on our blog stopped. So to raise money for the Red Cross and Blue Shield, we have decided to create a 2nd blog. Please show your support by following us on our new site dedicated to raising money for disaster relief.