Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Dirt Alert

Look familiar?

That's right folks, we're told Hillside Villas is not the actual name of LC and Audrina's pad

Also, is it true that Heidi and Spencer don't actually live at their apartment? A source close to the couple tells Belle and Beau that they just film for the show there. They actually live with Spencer's parents.

This should not be surprising for those of you who tuned into the aftershow following Spencer's visit to Crested Butte. Heidi said that she sees his parents all the time, and that they "practically live with them."

This brings up so many questions; if they live with his parents, why the concern over if they know about their wedding? Is the wedding really going to happen? Is this the biggest hoax in TV history?

For those of you who were offended by Spence's lil sis, check out her dark past. Just goes to show, anyone who offends Frankie Delgado has another thing coming...



(Disclaimer to our 5's of 10's of fans out there; the following is from an irate Beau who shares an affinity for sea life with his counterpart, Zach. If you know anything about the whereabouts of the jellyfish mentioned below, plese let him know. Thank you - Belle)

Seriously, what keeps happening to Heidi's pets? First Bella and now the Jellyfish! Does anyone actually believe Heidi forgot to pay the electric bill? It doesnt take a Hills blogger to smell the BUUUULLLLLSHIT. So where are the Jellyfish? Good thing Beau's a certified Open Water Scuba diver. Beau promises to get to the bottom of this scandal... stay tuned.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Everything I ever needed to know, I learned from Lauren Conrad.

My Dad always told me 'Flowers mean I'm sorry, chocolates mean I love you

Love is not a maybe thing; you know when you love someone.

I think that everyone can change if the right person comes along, and I think that every girl wants to be the right person. Every girl wants to be the one girl that can change that guy.

I know there's a difference between good people who do bad things and bad people who do bad things.

Go with your gut, but use your head.

You should have a guy that makes you feel happier, not upset. I don't think that's too much to ask for.

Why is it that just when you get things together, you hear from the one person who could pull it all apart?

I think you just want to be with him when he's the good Justin. But he can't always be the good Justin. And you can't just like half of who a person is.

There's just something about those bad boys that we always end up going back to.

Sometimes, when you love someone? You want to believe that they're good."

Monday, November 5, 2007

Midautumn Night's Dream

It's just a regular Friday night at the Shannon pub in Hoboken. Rihanna resonates in the background as fellow 24 year olds play darts in the corner. Beau and Belle stumble into the bar, drunk and laughing, thinking of pizza and reality TV.

After a quick shot of Patron, Beau notices a boy sitting at the bar in a red t-shirt that says, "Laguna." After letting out an audible gasp, he pokes Belle and points at the wonderous apparel. Belle finishes her Miller Lite in one giant gulp before turning to this boy.

Belle: Um, excuse me? But like, are you FROM Laguna?

Boy: Yeah, actually, I am.

(Beau gasps)
Belle: OMG shut it! I can't, thats amazing.

Boy: Actually, I'm Lauren Conrad's cousin.

(Lights immediately dim on the entire bar, spotlight shines on Beau, Belle, Boy, and Boy's down-on-his-luck friend. Beau steadies himself against the bar, Belle gasps, Boy looks on smugly)

Belle: WHAT?!?! omg omg omg no WAY! You're so lying.

Lauren Conrad's Cousin: I'm not I swear.

Belle: I'm going to quiz you. Where does Lauren go to school? What is Lauren's younger brother's name? Where did Lauren spend her 20th birthday? Where did Lauren spend her 21st birthday? Where was Lauren and Stephen's first kiss?

Lauren Conrad's cousin: FIDM. Brandon. Mexico. Surprise party thrown by Heidi in LA. Her bedroom, after looking at yearbook photos for a potential boyfriend.

Belle: My god. You are for real.

Beau: I'm not convinced, prove it.

Lauren Conrad's Cousin: Fine. I'll text her right now.

(Cousin fumbles with his Blackberry while Beau and Belle hold hands - two minutes elapse, Beau and Belle each finish a beer while Boy drums his fingers on the bar. Suddenly, the ding of a text message)

Lauren Conrad's Cousin: See? She wrote back.

(Beau and Belle peer over his Blackberry, in their drunken haze they only notice the words "lauren" and "i'm here with brody." Beau and Belle freak out)

Beau: What do you know? Tell us what you know, tell me secrets, tell me everything.

Lauren Conrad's Cousin: Lo is a cokehead, my friend dated her in high school. Lauren really didn't want to do this season of the Hills. Also, it ends with Heidi dumping Spencer and her and Lauren being friends again.

Belle (in disbelief): What!? How?? They were just on the beach last week filming her music video.

Lauren Conrad's Cousin: Look, I'm just telling you what I know.

Beau (nervously): Um, can we take a picture with you?

Belle, Beau, Lauren Conrad's Cousin, and his down-on-his-luck friend gather at the corner of the bar and smile for posterity.

Exeunt flourish

Lauren Conrad's Cousin

Dear Lauren Conrad’s Cousin,

We met at The Shannon in Hoboken on November 2nd 2007 at 11:13 pm. There is no doubt in my mind that you won’t find this, as you seemed very self-aware and someone who might google their own name or simply “Lauren Conrad’s cousin”. I’ll never be able to share with you the rush of excitement as I looked over and saw your Laguna t-shirt. I know Belle felt the same and while it was her who spoke first - it was me that watched. I watched as your mole grew into a piece of a dirt and then slowly back into a mole again. I watched your friend roll his eyes as you started texting LC. I watched as your face lit with joy when Belle asked where Lance and Ash were spotted kissing and you immediately shouted Gramercy Park Hotel! I watched it all. Just like Liz watched as she plucked Lauren out of a plethora of blue eyed, blonde Orange County teenaged girls. And just like God and baby Jesus watch down on Adam Divello. Thank You Lauren Conrad’s cousin. You made my night.