Monday, January 26, 2009

Diary of a Mad Black Woman: Bellisha and Beaubeau make their dreams come true

The following contains the detailed events of a recent Friday night and the quest to find Whitney Port. The bloggers would like you to know that copious amounts of Stella, Smithwicks, and distilled vodka were consumed during the creation of this entry.

1/23/09, 7:52 PM - Hoboken Path Station
Beau and Belle off to a shaky start - just missed the path but remain in high spirits.
Whit/Olivia twists
Us weekly (earmarked to the page with Whit on the beach in Miami)
Vampire in a box
most importantly... DRIVE

8:01 PM - A Haiku
Eight oh one depart
Off to Whitney's apartment
I hope it's a blast.

8:06 - on path train
Train stops underground - dropping off mole people. More to come.

8:27 PM
SPOTTED: Beau and Belle in front of Whit's building! Beau freaked, false alarm but he chased people down the street. Starbucks on the corner, bet that's where she gets her morning cup of joe.

8:38 PM
Still no sign of Whitney and I'm pretty sure the couple I chased down the street was not them. why aren't there more people here doing the same thing? Reporting live from 3rd and 23rd.
PS Belle just saw Cam Anthony
Also, code word for when we see Whit is "Shake Shack."

8:46 PM
On pay phone on her corner. Calling Z100 to tell them what we're doing - drinking orange juice and vodka out of a water bottle. Belle is paranoid that people are onto us.

8:49 PM
No one is onto us. But there are a lot of Whitney look alikes in this neighborhood. Her presence is felt almost like a sixth sense. I'm drawn to her like Bella and Edward, or Jack and Rose, or Wall-e and Eva.

Where are you whit? Do you go to Rolf's German Restaurant for weinerschnitzel? Bull's Head tavern for a brewski? CVS for feminine products? Is Lyric Diner always your last stop on your way home from Tenjune? Why oh why did I have to see someone from high school and work while I stalk you?

9:00 PM
The cold is setting upon us like the freezing cold Lake Wissota. It feels like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. How cold? Freezing. Maybe a couple of degrees over.

9:38 PM
Beau and Belle at local watering hole, Bull's Head Tavern, hoping Whit will breeze in. Probably not because these bartenders think they are in Coyote Ugly but act like the mermaid in the hit movie Aquamarine.

A Haiku

Also, while bartenders slut it up and take shots, the poor coat check girl sits in the corner, dressed in black, reading a magazine - every inch of flesh covered. I bet Whit talks to her.

9:43 PM - A Poem, in four parts

Whit, we came to look for you,
On twenty third and third,
Your blatant absence makes us blue,
Our behavior has been absurd.

Whit, we came to look for you,
On this wintry day,
A subway ride, a short brisk walk,
There's so much left to say.

Whit, we came to look for you,
That's why we're across the street,
See you at Bull's Head Tavern,
Finally, the three of us will meet.

Whit we came to look for you,
We don't think that's a shocker,
We circle your block three, four times,
But promse that we're not your stalkers.

11:10 PM - King's Crossing
Beau and Belle meet friends and tell them their tales.
Spotted: CM making out with J. Jew at King's Crossing, lower east side

11:11 PM, guest blogger Jessica Bowers checks in
Here we are at an underground bar...surrounded by friends. These two bloggers next to me are obsessed with Whit. I am drinking vodka tonic and Belle is singing in my ear. But the big question is, where is Whit? And does she like being stalked?

12:06 AM
At fat Black Pussycat with our guest blogger Jessica "Boom Boom" Bowers. I wish Whitney woudl get here already and we could dance and play darts. Does anyone know if she's at Sundance? This is straight from my heart.

Free Association with Beau, Belle and Guest Blogger
Audrina - eyes, boobs, spacey
Teen Vogue - Lauren Conrad, Lisa Love, "boss's name that I don't know"
Laguna Beach - Kristin Cavallari, Stephen Colletti, black and white party

1/24/09 - 12:42 AM
Beau and Belle are in the 9th street path station.

A Haiku
Faces are flush
Drinks have been drunk
Slobs are going home

Where are you, Whitney?

Friday, January 9, 2009

Seasons of Booze


Five Thousand Twenty Nine Hundred Fourteen Cameras
Twenty One Fish Tanks and Three Hundred One Fish
Eleven Thousand Sixteen bright, shiny lightbulbs
How do you measure – measure a show?

In Ratings – In Night Clubs
In Hot Tubs – or late night fist fights
In cocktails – Confessionals
In Cities – In Strife

In Five Hundred Twenty One Thousand
Six Hundred Commercials
How do you Measure
Seven Strangers in a house?

How About Booze
How About Booze
How About Booze
Measure in Booze

Seasons of Booze
Seasons of Booze

Six Hundred Twenty Eight Thousand people Audition
Twenty One Seasons and One Hundred Fifty Six Friends
Three Hundred Thousand Ninety Hours of filming
How do you measure, a show that never ends

When Steven slapped Irene
Or Danny's mom died
When Paula said she ate
You know that she lied

It's Time Now - To Watch Out
For The Show Never Ends
Let's Celebrate
Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends