Thursday, July 9, 2009

Dear Liz Gately,

Please tell your friends over at Bunim/Murray productions to stop allowing viewers from choosing a final Real World roommate. Time and time again the public votes and time and time again they pick shitty cast members. We all remember Greg, and we all remember how quickly we'd like to forget him.

This season we are plauged by Ayiia, the self proclaimed B I T C H of the house. She wasn't chosen by your elite production staff for a reason. That reason being she's marginally retarded and causes unnecessary drama which continuously ruins the harmonious house dynamic your production office spent hours creating.

I ask only this, to look at history - Jesse Camp, Richard Hatch, George W. Bush (Twice), Kris Allen - Remember these beautiful mistakes before you ask us to commit another.

Love with all my heart,

Beau

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Nuttin' But an NJ Thang

Yo Belle, whats trickin? Its your favorite blogger Beau
I say we take a drive down to Le Chateau
I wanna see 'dem ladies from that crazy Bravo show,
Let's break it down for ya'll, and tell you what we know.

Teresa, hun, what the hell were you thinkin'?
Watching the last supper it was clear you was drinkin'!
You so drunk, making things obscene-a,
be a good mother, and take Gia to Wilhemina!
Teresa so hot, it must be from water aerobics
Too bad her husband Joe is a tad homophobic.

Carolines daughter don't wanna wax no chucky,
Carolines her moms! She should be so lucky.
Caroline's a bitch or so I heard
I once was attacked by her baby german shepard,
until I threw that baby, a damn doggy bone
then threw a party at the classy Brownstone

Hey Beau?
Yeah Belle!
I wanna read cop without a badge
I hear theres some talk about danielles sweaty vag
She so crazy, you hear she was a stripper?
if I saw her in the club, you know that I'd tip her (get a job!)
If she workin da club, you know she gettin tips,
How the hell else you think she paid for dem big ass lips?

Dina's hubby, thanks to you she dont need no job,
Too bad its cuz you runnin' with the Franklin Lakes mob.
Hey Dina, honey, you can't stop Lexi,
Puberty's a bitch, and she's going to be dead sexy
Dina, I love you, but sometimes you need a slap
and that tacky house of yours is chock full of crap.

Jacqueline, you're a sweetheart and your time is in demand,
Quit dragging CJ to your friends house, let him grow to be a man
Jacqueline baby, you are far too nice,
You could learn a thing or two from Ms. Crazy GuidICE.

Dang these ladies sure know how to bring the drama,
It's cool cuz I'm sure they all good mamas.
Watching them at dinner what they need is restitution,
Whatever, peace out, see ya'll at the reunion.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Mother Belle's Nursery Rhymes



(To Three Blind Mice)
Three blonde girls
See them on the Hills
They all moved in to scream and fight
They cut each other down with a carving knife
Did you ever see such a sight in your life?
as three blonde girls?

(To Jack and Jill)
Heidi and Spence went down to 'Rica to cash in on buckets of money,
Heidi got sick and Spencer's a dick and nobody thinks that they're funny!

(To Humpty Dumpty)
Lauren Conrad starred in a show,
Lauren Conrad, Season 6 is no mo'
All the producers and all of the fans,
Couldn't get Lauren on the show again!

(To Five Little Pigs)
Lauren went to the market
Lo stayed home
Heidi had some roast beef
Spencer had none
Audrina cried "wee, wee, wee, wee!"
All the way to the MTV Movie awards.

(To Little Miss Muffet)
Little Miss Patridge, sat on a mattress
Trying not to look vacant and dumb.
Then along came Chris Pine and fed her some wine,
And gave Little Miss Patridge some fame.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Queen Belle




ALL HAIL, QUEEN BELLE!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Unbloggen

Sung to Natasha Bedingfield's UNWRITTEN

I am a blogger
I like to blog
Blog on my blog

It’s called What
Would justin bobby do
It’s in cyberlaaaaaand

Staring at the sweatpants before you
Open up a bag of doritos
Let the taste illuminate the night that you have now planned
Reaching for the remote control on the table
So close it’s almost 10 pm
Turn on your television.
Watch the Hills on your set
No one else can watch it for you
Only you - high definition
No one else, no one else
Can type the words on your screen
Think of blogs you’ve left unspoken
Sing along if you like joking.
Tonight is where your blog begins
Next verse is still unbloggen.

Friday, May 1, 2009

STAY SAFE




Hello all,

I just wanted to remind everyone to stay safe, wash your hands, and if you feel sick buy some oinkment.

Love,

Beau

Friday, April 24, 2009

Beau's Poetry Corner

Go Kimberly Go
You are my favorite girl
On this year’s Challenge

Stop crying Paula
You always trust the bad boys
Paula, you’re a mess


I fell in love with a girl named Grace
She was 15 and felt out of place
She moved away, my heart is still reeling
Gone for a year, living in New Zealand

I fell in love with a girl named Grace
She was 15 with an awkward face
To make friends she used sports as her ticket
But couldn’t play soccer, had to learn cricket

I fell in a love with a girl named Grace
Halfway around the world, I still would chase
Her skin is smooth, her hair silky brown
And she hates being known as the new girl in town.