It's just a regular Friday night at the Shannon pub in Hoboken. Rihanna resonates in the background as fellow 24 year olds play darts in the corner. Beau and Belle stumble into the bar, drunk and laughing, thinking of pizza and reality TV.
After a quick shot of Patron, Beau notices a boy sitting at the bar in a red t-shirt that says, "Laguna." After letting out an audible gasp, he pokes Belle and points at the wonderous apparel. Belle finishes her Miller Lite in one giant gulp before turning to this boy.
Belle: Um, excuse me? But like, are you FROM Laguna?
Boy: Yeah, actually, I am.
(Beau gasps)
Belle: OMG shut it! I can't, thats amazing.
Boy: Actually, I'm Lauren Conrad's cousin.
(Lights immediately dim on the entire bar, spotlight shines on Beau, Belle, Boy, and Boy's down-on-his-luck friend. Beau steadies himself against the bar, Belle gasps, Boy looks on smugly)
Belle: WHAT?!?! omg omg omg no WAY! You're so lying.
Lauren Conrad's Cousin: I'm not I swear.
Belle: I'm going to quiz you. Where does Lauren go to school? What is Lauren's younger brother's name? Where did Lauren spend her 20th birthday? Where did Lauren spend her 21st birthday? Where was Lauren and Stephen's first kiss?
Lauren Conrad's cousin: FIDM. Brandon. Mexico. Surprise party thrown by Heidi in LA. Her bedroom, after looking at yearbook photos for a potential boyfriend.
Belle: My god. You are for real.
Beau: I'm not convinced, prove it.
Lauren Conrad's Cousin: Fine. I'll text her right now.
(Cousin fumbles with his Blackberry while Beau and Belle hold hands - two minutes elapse, Beau and Belle each finish a beer while Boy drums his fingers on the bar. Suddenly, the ding of a text message)
Lauren Conrad's Cousin: See? She wrote back.
(Beau and Belle peer over his Blackberry, in their drunken haze they only notice the words "lauren" and "i'm here with brody." Beau and Belle freak out)
Beau: What do you know? Tell us what you know, tell me secrets, tell me everything.
Lauren Conrad's Cousin: Lo is a cokehead, my friend dated her in high school. Lauren really didn't want to do this season of the Hills. Also, it ends with Heidi dumping Spencer and her and Lauren being friends again.
Belle (in disbelief): What!? How?? They were just on the beach last week filming her music video.
Lauren Conrad's Cousin: Look, I'm just telling you what I know.
Beau (nervously): Um, can we take a picture with you?
Belle, Beau, Lauren Conrad's Cousin, and his down-on-his-luck friend gather at the corner of the bar and smile for posterity.
Exeunt flourish
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